Out of control...

I had this post in my head long before DH dad died Friday night. But now it's even worse...

My eating has been HORRIBLE the past few weeks. I just can't shake the bad eating that I did at Christmas. I can do GREAT at breakfast, then I fall apart at lunch and during the afternoon. It's been insane. I've had to cancel my sessions with the trainer the last 2 weeks due to work stuff.

Speaking of work....

I got put on a new task at work and I LOVE it. I really do. It's so much fun and it's a welcome break from the mundane of coding that I do every day. BUT...it's also stressful. The first 2 weeks doing it, something changed about it every day and it was like "crisis mode" every day. Do this, do that, do it NOW, change this, change that, NOW! It was INSANE!!! But it's been better this past week. I'll miss it this week since I'll be gone all week but I really do look forward to it every day. I'm glad the stress of it all is over (for the most part) though. But that was another thing leading me to the afternoon eating fiascoes.

I had it in my head last week "February 1" I would get back on track and do better. Then all this happened with DH father and now I am surrounded by baked goods, all kinds of food, and I really don't know how to deal with this type of thing. I am here at my MIL house and I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal. DH is a typical man. The only time I have seen him tear up was when we told DS1 Saturday morning. That was the toughest thing I think I've had to do as a parent. Giving birth was much easier. He knew his "papaw Mike" and he loved him. Xander cried when we told him and I expect he will cry when he sees him tonight at the visitation. I have yet to see DH cry--EVER in the 13 years that we've been together. He got tears in his eyes at our wedding when we were saying our vows but that was it. Everyone keeps asking me what they can do and I don't know. I keep asking DH if he's okay and he keeps telling me yes but I keep asking him anyway. This is such a hard thing to go through and I am trying the best I can to be there for DH and his mom and sister. I feel like I'm not doing anything but sit here. I vacuumed the living area this morning, I think I'm going to sweep the kitchen floor next. I just need to keep busy...but the food keeps calling me. UGH!!! Oh well. I'll be better once we get back home...whenever that may be.

I have been keeping off the diet coke so that's a plus. I have decided once we get home I am swearing off fast food. I have to get off of it. It's been a vice lately. I HAVE to swear it off. I am going to plan the menu for February. I have my laptop with me and the list of the meals that I have thought of and that DH and DS1 have requested. Maybe I'll do that Tuesday night....

Sorry for rambling but I needed to get my thoughts out. I have time on my hands right now so why not blog it all out? Thanks for listening/reading if you made it this far. :) I will be back to my old perky self soon. :)