Friday, March 28, 2008

Weight gain, feeling better, and a poem

Okay, had my check up this morning. All is well. But I have now officially entered the 200's. (sob, sob, sob!!!) BUT...I was also told I am AGAIN measuring 3 weeks ahead. So I think most of that was fluid (can you say SWOLLEN?) and baby. B/c I really haven't been eating THAT much! I gained almost 4# in two weeks. There are some nights where I am so swollen that my CROCS are tight! Yowzers!

I am feeling better. I am still stopped up, but I shoot the nasal spray when I can and that SEEMS to help. Thanks for all the good thoughts!

I am still very far behind in my reading. Please forgive me...I hope to catch up this weekend or the first part of next week!!!

Finally, here is the poem I have been wanting to post forever. I re-did it a little bit to go towards my DS more.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 3-year-old hand,
basking in the glow of our magical relationship.
Suddenly I feel a kick from within,
as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.
And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?
Then he/she is born, and I watch you.

I watch the pain you feel at having to share me
as you've never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way,
"Please love only me."
And I hear myself telling you in mine,
"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you.

I almost see our new baby as an intruder
on the precious relationship we once shared.
A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing,
I find myself attached to that new being,
and feeling almost guilty.
I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him (or her) -- as though I am betraying you.
But then I notice your resentment change,
first to curiosity,
then to protectiveness,
finally to genuine affection.
More days pass,
and we are settling into a new routine.

The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.
But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.
There are new times -- only now, we are three.
I watch the love between you grow,
the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how he/she adores you -- as I have for so long.
I see how excited you are by each of his/her new accomplishments.
And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you,
I've given something to you.

I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.
And my question is finally answered, to my amazement.
Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time,
I now know you'll never share my love.
There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.
I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Author Unknown


Melanie said...

WOW!! That is a cool poem! Thanks for sharing it...and glad to hear that you are doing well sans the swelling of course!!

Candace said...

Glad things are going well. I hit 205 with my second. Honestly, going over 200 during pregnancy really helped me get a reality check when I realized how close I was to that number again, without the insider.

Beautiful poem. I just can't imagine not having more than 1, even when they fight. We won't talk about that right now - you oughta have a few months before the first one.

Steph said...

Thanks, now I'm crying like a baby.......that was touching and just further proves that you are an amazing mom. DS and soon to be DD (indulge me okay?) are lucky kiddos to have you!

Hope that you're feeling okay!